


If I Could Turn Back Time

by Mightybignein (Blueberryshortcake)



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Character Death, Essek meets low level Mighty Nein, Kiri is here too, M/M, Minor Beauregard Lionett/Yasha, Minor Fjord/Jester Lavorre, Minor Mollymauk/Caleb, Mr. Clay is badly missed, Oops, Pairings might change up a bit depending on how it develops, Time Travel, but Essek/Caleb is the focus pair, but essek goes back to fix that, everyone dies, for now, it's about, spoilers for 124
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-12 17:47:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29264520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blueberryshortcake/pseuds/Mightybignein
Summary: The Mighty Nein meet an injured drow in the sewers of Zadash on the night the Tri-Spires are attacked.This seems familiar.
Relationships: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast, The Mighty Nein & Essek Thelyss
Comments: 24
Kudos: 211





	1. Believe Me, Believe Me, Believe Me, Believe Me

**Author's Note:**

> Instead of packing for my move on monday I've decided to write unbetaed fic instead. Oops.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A spell is cast and the past moves forward to a new future.

“Be aware of rat balloons!” A familiar voice echoed down the sewer tunnel accompanied by splashes. He leaned against the wall, eyes closed. He had been hit in the end, a scimitar dangerously close to the heart. 

“What is it--?” His heart clenched at the familiar Zemnian accent as lights suddenly appeared along the wall. 

“Blood.” Beau said harshly. 

He looked towards the lights. Their silhouettes backlit. For a moment they looked like the people he remembered. Strong against unparalleled oncoming forces, but they drew closer revealing a shabby group of ruffians and thieves.

“Armor of Agathys!” Fjord declared, sparkling ice forming over his body. 

He smiled softly at them.

“No need. I’m not going to fight you.” Essek’s eyes watered a little. He had done it. 

“Holy shit, what the fuck?” Beau cursed. 

“W-what happened?” Jester asked unsure if she should approach or not. “Who--who are you?” 

Who was he? 

“He’s the one they’re looking for.” 

He tensed looking over at the purple tiefling who stood so casually with the rest of them. Belonging with them. It felt wrong. It shouldn’t be like that. 

“Caleb,” Essek said. 

Caleb froze. “How do you--”

“Time.” Essek said. He clutched his injured chest. “Not weeks, not years, it takes time…” 

“I don’t…” 

“I know you can’t trust me. Trust him.” Essek snapped and an orange spectral figure appeared on his shoulder. 

“W-Isn’t that Frumpkin!?” Jester exclaimed. “I thought you couldn’t bring him back right now.”

“I didn’t.” Caleb stared at the cat on Essek’s shoulder. “Who are you?” 

The cat mewed and rushed over to his proper master’s side. Caleb stepped back but paused as soon as the cat brushed against his leg. 

“I… do not understand.” 

“Caleb who is this?!” Beau demanded. “We don’t have time to fuck around.”

“I don’t know!” Caleb said holding up his hands. 

“Beauregard Lionett of the Cobalt Soul, you told me to say your dad is a dick.” 

In her last moments standing in front of Caleb and Essek she turned around with a forced smile. Tears still streamed down her face from seeing Yasha fall moments ago. 

“If it works, tell me my dad’s a dick. Caleb--I--you’remybestfriend.” Then she turned, squared her shoulders and punched through Otis’ chest, ending the halfling. There were too many. She could fight hard, dodge their attacks, but she had to take each one of them to protect the spell casters on the off chance it might be cast in time. Lucien approached as she fell to the ground unconscious from a blow to the temple from the goliath. He brought his sword straight down through her chest--

“What the fuck???” Beau, this Beau, alive Beau gasped

“Okay,” Fjord said, his accent the same as when they first met, “What does that mean?”

“I mean… it fucking sounds like me? I don’t know? What is happening?!?!”

Essek took a deep breath. They really didn’t have time for this. “Caleb. You succeeded.”

“W-what?”

“You figured it out. And you sent me here. To this time and this moment. Please.”

“Caleb?” Jester asked. 

Frumpkin meowed and ran back to Essek climbing up his shoulder again. Essek winced at the extra weight. 

“Can you… can you heal him Jester?” Caleb’s voice was soft. His eyes pinned on Essek. Awe and fear. 

“O-okay,” Jester tentatively reached out a hand.

Fjord gently caught her wrist and looked at Caleb, there was distrust there. 

These people weren’t the same as the ones he knew. But it didn’t matter. They were his friends.

“Fjord. I know you well enough to know you use the voice of another man.” Essek said. “I know this is the worst possible moment. But I know … I know most of you. I know Yasha. I know Caduceus.”

“You know Yasha?” Lucien’s hackles went up--no Mollymauk, this was Mollymauk.

“Who’s Caduceus?” Jester asked.

“What does he mean another man’s voice?! Is Fjord a witch?” Veth spouted. 

Essek took a big breath. “Mighty Nein! I am from your future. I’m here because we are f-friends. I am here to save you all if you will let me.”

They froze.

Jester stepped forward and touched his shoulder. His wounds knitted together. He gasped. That was very close. 

“Do you know me?” She asked.

“Of course I know you Jester.” He offered her a weak smile. 

“I believe you,” She said softly. She turned her head back to the group. “Guys, I think he’s telling the truth.”

“Fuuuuuuck.” Beau of course.

“I don’t know what the hell is going on, but we need to move. They’ll check the sewers soon,” Mollymauk declared. 

“Let’s go,” Essek quickly cast and disguised his features. It wouldn’t do much against members of the Assembly, but if they were quick it would be fine. They rushed out of the sewers and blended into the crowd.

“Where do we go?” Jester asked.

“Back to the inn, we just need to play casual,” Mollymauk answered. “Unless the man from the future has any ideas?”

“I have a place, it’s safe if you’ll trust me.”

“Let’s be clear,” Fjord said. “We absolutely do not, but what other choice do we have?”

Essek missed Caduceus. His gentle reasonable voice would be welcome right now. He came later though. Blooming Grove. 

His eyes strayed back to Mollymauk. He could kill him. He could kill him right now. Wouldn’t that fix everything? 

No. This was the anger. The anger at another man. Mollymauk was the one that stopped Lucien from reclaiming his body. He was not the enemy. 

He pushed to move between Mollymauk and Caleb anyway. A little petty, but it soothed him a bit. 

He led them to one of his safe houses and took out the decorated wand. The second gift from Caleb. 

He felt the other wizard’s eyes pinned to him.

“You are… a powerful person,” Caleb said slowly. “You didn’t need our acquiescence if you wanted us to come with you.” 

“Yes,” Essek admitted, “I could have.” He didn’t mention that he was nearly out of spells. That he had been saving his last higher level spell for a final stand before Caleb cracked the formula and sent him back. 

He finished the incantation and the door appeared. “Please. I’m… looking after the place.”

The Mighty Nein entered giving a collective gasp.

“We are fucking out of our element,” Mollymauk said. “We are so fucked. 

“Y-you’re probably hungry, I’ll have the kitchen make some pastries.”

“This guy totally knows me guys!” Jester gasped. “Like, seriously, are you really from the future? What’s your name? Are you in the Mighty Nein too? Do we get like, really super powerful? Are we all friends? Does Beau get caught for mail fraud?” 

“I am Essek, I… I’m an honorary member, although I don’t know if I… deserve that. You are very powerful, all of you. You have brokered peace between nations. You’re all a… a family… and… no I don’t believe Beauregard was ever caught for mail fraud, although there are many stories that I never heard… just think up.” He started slowly floating up to escape Jester’s curiosity.

“Peace between nations? Have you met us? We’re assholes!” Mollymauk shouted up after him.

“Yes, well, you are still assholes. Think up, follow me,” Essek repeated.

“Hoooshit really?! Up!” Fjord declared and started floating after. Suspicious as he was, it seemed magic still delighted him. 

The Nein followed him into the dining room. Caleb’s eyes widened comically at the herd of cats carrying plates.

“GUYS!!” Jester gasped just as moved as Caleb. 

“Are we eating cat?” Veth asked.

Fjord sneezed. 

“Nooo!” Jester protested.

“No no, this is the staff. I… this is not my… house.”

“It’s mine,” Caleb said softly. He was still, but there was a shell of fear stopping anyone from getting too close. 

“Caleb?!? You’re so powerful in the future!” Jester gasped.

“Powerful enough to send a man through time?” Caleb asked looking at Essek. “Why...here? Why now? Obviously you knew us when we were far more adept.”

“This was a last ditch effort. Life or death. We weren’t… sure if it would work.”

“Why not go myself?” Why not go back farther was the unasked question.

Essek’s eyes burned and he looked away. 

“Ah.” Caleb nodded to himself. He reached for his cat that wasn’t there. Frumpkin scooted across the table and bumped his hand. 

“What happened?” Beau asked. “Like, you’re saying we’re some big shot heros? What got us?” 

Essek’s eyes flickered to Lu-Mollymauk. 

“Can you tell us? Will this like, stop one of us from being born or something?” Veth asked. He always felt a strange pang when he turned and it was her goblin form that greeted him. He knew how much it must hurt her. 

“There will no doubt be irreparable damage,” Essek said calmly. “You have had many adventures, you have changed peoples lives. Stories that I’m not familiar with, Caleb was supposed to--it was supposed to be Caleb that went back. He would have been able to make sure things stayed correct except for the thing that needed to change. That isn’t an option anymore.” 

Veth took a long pull from her flask. “Can you stop talking like we all die. Like. We’re here, we’re alive.” 

“But the people he knew are effectively dead,” Caleb said bluntly. “Because he has met us we will no doubt be different than how we used to be.”

Essek smiled sadly. “I hope that is not the case. I… I have come here to stop many tragedies. One of those tragedies was the death of the Mighty Nein.” 

“Shit,” Beau said. “This is so weird. Like. Us? We’re just… assholes. Assholes who have already fucked up.”

“Yeah,” Veth agreed. “Where were you an hour ago when Ulog blew himself up?” 

Mollymauk crossed his arms, “Are we really buying into this crazy bullshit? What? So what happens if we believe your story? That we become big damn heroes and you’re our friend and we have some sort of destiny. You train us and send us to do your bidding? You’ve mentioned our names, and a few fun facts, and this tower is very swell, but you need to convince us better. Your brave friends from the future are not us. Prove that you know us.”

“I don’t know you.” Essek said bluntly his rage bleeding out before he could stomp it back down. “I know them. Not you.” 

“Well fuck you,” Mollymauk said for want of anything else to say. His tail swayed and curled up in anger.

“What happens to Molly?” Jester asked with concern.

“I don’t want to know!” Molly interrupted pointing at Essek. “Probably dead, like everyone else. Or maybe I didn’t trust him and he’s the one that got you all killed in the future. I don’t care about his future. It has nothing to do with me.” 

It has everything to do with you! Essek wanted to yell, but he had pulled himself back again. 

“We could do… truth or dare again,” Jester tentatively suggested. “Just… we’ll just ask little things. That a friend would know.”

“He knows us from the future though,” Beau said. “Maybe our tastes change or something.” 

“We can ask him if he is really from the future, and if he really is our friend,” Caleb said. The wizard did not meet his eyes. He was used to Caleb staring right through him now. Or at him. And the softer times over spellbooks and discovery. His last memory of his time was those clear blue eyes, desperate, filled with pain, a hand held up to his cheek. 

“Will… will you let me?” Jester asked.

Essek pulled himself out of the memories, his stomach tense and nauseous. 

He nodded and didn’t resist Jester’s spell. 

She nodded. “He… it should work? I guess?!” 

“Are you from the future?” Fjord asked instantly. It seemed he was taking point.

“Yes.” Essek answered.

“Did Caleb send you?”

“Yes.”

“Are you our ally?” 

“Yes.”

“...Do we really all die?” Fjord cleared his throat awkwardly.

“No one in the Mighty Nein survives.” 

“I call bullshit, he’s hiding something,” Beau said. “He specifically says the Mighty Nein when he was just answering with yes’ before.”

“I am,” Essek said, of course truthfully. “There is a complicated story involved.”

“Let’s move on,” Molly said. He had a knowing look and didn’t seem interested in learning the truth of things. 

“It might be important,” Beau protested.

Fjord held up his hand. “Alright now, settle down, let’s just… what else should we ask?” 

“Is Caleb still stinky?” Jester asked, perhaps to lighten the mood.

“No, he smells good,” Essek replied mindlessly. He felt his face go hot and struggled to keep a neutral expression.

“Are you and Caleb dat--”

Essek quickly counterspelled the zone of truth. “I think that’s enough for right now.” 

“Shiiiiit. He totally fucked my spell!” Jester seemed more impressed than upset about it. “At least I’m sure it worked now though. Have you ever heard of the Traveler?” 

“Yes I--” Essek paused. He reached into his robe and brought out a very crumpled pamphlet. “You snuck this into my robe at some point…”

“Huh?” Jester took the little pamphlet her eyes widening with glee. “GUYS!!! HE HAS A PAMPHLET ABOUT THE TRAVELER! HOOOOLY FUCK!!!” She looked around. “ARE YOU SEEING THIS!??!” 

Caleb rubbed his forehead. “This is…”

“Super fucked up?” Beau supplied.

“Ja, for starters.” Caleb replied.

Essek once again wished Caduceus was here. If nothing else with just one look from the cleric seeing his sincerity the others would be a bit more at ease. These friends of his were so close to those who he knew but … pale in comparison. Shadows of their future selves. Heartbreakingly incomplete.

“Right, so then now what?” Mollymauk asked. “Are you going to tell us our fortune? Tell us our own stories? Are you going to hide it and follow us forever? Are you going to kill us? What?”

“If I wanted you dead you would be dead. I don’t want you dead.” Especially not him. He didn’t see what the others saw in this Mollymauk Tealeaf, but if he were to die it meant the end of the world. 

The end of his friends. 

So at all costs, Mollymauk Tealeaf had to live.

“I will tell you the story of the Mighty Nein, as I know it. Are you willing to listen?” 


	2. But I Won't Hold You Hostage Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Essek follows the Nein and tries not to change the past while living in this new present. He butts heads with Mollymauk and realizes the effect he's had so far.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So continuing on in this little AU. I decided not to do an entire rewrite, just scenes that I think might be interesting for Essek to see/participate in. If I do more it'll go more off rails the further out they get. 
> 
> Just a note they do have the beacon. I forgot to mention in the first chapter, but I plan to bring it into play in part two of this section. 
> 
> Also I adore and love Molly which is why I'm having such a fun time having Essek absolutely hate him. They'll reach an understanding one day.

Essek didn’t think it would be so hard. 

Although none of this was planned. For all that he was careful, and for or all that he was diligent and thorough it was always moments of impulse, impatience, and chaos coupled with the hubris that he thought he could handle everything made for situations like: betraying his Queen, falling in with Ludinus, watching his friends die.

Watching his friends argue. 

He uncomfortably stood to one side as Beauregard and Caleb argued over a bowl with the rest of the Mighty Nein pushing and pulling over right and wrong. 

It felt ridiculous. That those two could misinterpret each other so deeply. 

His own first impulse was to interfere, but he held himself back. The only thing that Beau and Caleb seemed to agree on was Essek’s intentions couldn’t be trusted. Caleb both shrunk away from him while being drawn to all the knowledge he hinted at. 

Whenever Beauregard talked to him it was an unsubtle interrogation. Which shouldn’t be that different, Beauregard never pulled her punches, even with her allies... but there was a difference, he could feel the difference. 

“I know you Cali,” Jester said pulling back Essek’s attention. “I don’t think we need to cast it on you.”

“But you need to trust each other,” Calianna said. Her eyes were wide with worry at the splintering group in front of her.

Essek forced himself to hold still. Fights like this happened before right? That was how they became stronger and closer. 

He didn’t know. He wasn’t there the first time. Caleb should be--

“Why don’t we ask Essek?” Mollymauk suggested. He sounded friendly and helpful and it was a complete set up.

Instantly all eyes were on him.

“Oh, if Mr. Essek has any ideas!” Callianna said immediately, distressed at the argument.

“Yes, we have a mage of not inconsiderable power.” Mollymauk added. “He should give his opinion, any opinion. Because it doesn’t matter if he gives his opinion. Because what’s the harm in it?”

Essek scowled. “My opinion is that you, Mollymauk, should listen to what I have to say.” 

“By all means, I’m asking!” Mollymauk said pleasantly. “So, what do you say about the bowl?”

Mollymauk refused to listen to his warnings of the future, and refused to accept Essek’s stance of watch but never interfere.

It left Essek feeling impotent. That any move he made could destroy the future. That if he turned his back for a moment one of them would get themselves killed.

Worse than anything was that Mollymauk had to come first, before all of them. Before the people he cared the most about, because to save them he had to save him, the hand that killed his friends.

And Mollymauk was a shit. 

Essek rubbed his forehead. Why didn’t he ever ask when the bastard died? He took a deep breath.

And said nothing.

Mollymauk rolled his eyes. “Fine. Something just occurred to me at least. Technically speaking, charm person lasts a really long time.” He made a few quick gestures for the spell: Friends as if to demonstrate. 

“One minute,” Caleb corrected seeing the hand movement. 

“OH!”Jester said, “ Well, I can cast Charm Person.”

“I don’t mind, I won’t resist,” Calianna said. “I promise.”

Mollymauk nodded. “That’s fair, I’m into that.”

Callianna, true to her word, didn’t resist as she firmly told them she had no ill intentions. She turned to Caleb, absolute sincerity in her eyes. “I promise you Mr. Caleb, I promise you that all I want is to right some of the wrongs that I once did as part of that group. I helped kill people; I helped torture people. I’ve got to make this right, and that’s the only way I can do this. I don’t know much, but I know that the only person that can take that thing and make sure it’s not used for ill is me.” 

Essek’s hands clenched. Caleb kept his face very carefully blank, but surely his memories were playing in his head. Of the times he helped kill, torture and hurt people at the order of people he trusted. Then Inevitably Essek’s own guilt at broken trusts and betrayal and Caleb’s sad eyes surfaced.

“Mr. Caleb,” Mollymauk took a few steps closer to the wizard. Essek felt his protectiveness rise as the tiefling drew in. “There’s only so many burdens we’re expected to bear before we’re asking for failure.” 

Essek forced himself to untense. Perhaps worse than the sense of danger he felt because of Mollymauk’s future was seeing the softness towards Caleb. That the future enemy was making more headway in pulling down walls than he was.

No, that wasn’t fair. Mollymauk was not the enemy. 

...He certainly had similar personality traits though. Does he have no sense of personal space? 

Calianna reassured: “I don't want you to have to bear this one.” 

“I’m glad for you to take it.” Caleb protested, frustrated. “I’m a little surprised at the rest of you for me being cautious, but I’m glad for you to take it.” 

“Thank you!” Calianna said in relief.

“Oh, no. I’m with you,” Mollymauk gave a Caleb a nod and the briefest of pats on the shoulder. 

Mollymauk was always so touchy. It was unnecessary. How was this the inspiring friend who’s absence changed their attitudes and outlooks? 

Essek really didn’t get it.

Beau grabbed Caleb’s arm and pulled him over to a private corner. Both had raised voices. 

Essek wanted to put his face in his hands. How could all of them be so bad at this? 

“You were right, Caleb!” Mollymauk yelled in response to Beau’s furious whispers. “You’re just a shitty communicator!” 

Beau shrugged in agreement, “It’s kinda what Molly said…”

“YEP!” Mollymauk shouted.

Caleb was shrunk into himself, the air around him needled like a porcupine. “I told you exactly what I wanted to do, and why.”

“The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” Beau countered. Essek winced at her unintentional choice of words. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Caleb said sharply. He turned and walked away without another word.

“That’s fair.” Beau muttered.

Essek watched him leave.

There were so many things the two didn’t know about the other. 

Beau growing up without choices. Caleb’s broken trust. 

Two sides of one coin. 

The others clamoured around Calianna trying to figure out what to do with the bowl, how to destroy it. Perhaps it hadn’t been the first time Caleb removed himself from arguments like this? 

Mollymauk’s eyes were still on Essek. 

“Yes, Mollymauk?” Essek asked. 

“You could talk to him.” Unlike the monk and wizard he kept his voice low so the others couldn’t hear. “If it were Yasha I’d talk to her.” Mollymauk added casually.

“Pardon?”

“He’s your best friend right? Or  _ something _ . You certainly have given that impression. You don’t act like it though.”

“We aren’t friends yet.”

Mollymauk laughed. “Well not with that attitude.” 

“You know what I mean,” Essek growled. 

Mollymauk rolled his eyes. “Yes, I do, and it’s bloody insanity. You already came back. You’re already here. It’s already changed! You want him to live, but you either act like an unsettling babysitter, or, stare at him like he’s going to die at any moment. You realize how fucked up that is, right?”

“And what about you?” Essek spat. “If you would listen to me properly I would be able to--”

“Hah! You wouldn’t do anything because you’re so scared of making a mistake and ruining them. Here’s a proclamation for you: they’re people now. He’s a person. The past has nothing to do with me. The future also has nothing to do with me. I’m living right now. So are you. So is he. Get used to it--”

Yasha brought down Magician’s Judge and the bowl broke in half. 

“HA!” Mollymauk was drawn over to the group again cheering with them. “I owe you a drink!” He thumped Yasha on the back. 

Essek, not for the first time, contemplated sealing the annoying bastard in another plane of existence. He had come to terms with the fact that Mollymauk was not Lucien. 

He disliked Mollymauk on his own merits.

He sighed and silently drifted out of the room to look for Caleb.

The other wizard was leaning against a wall staring off into nothing. Essek floated closer, awkward and unsure. 

Why had it been easier back then? When they were strangers. When they were trying to get something out of one another. They had fallen into intimacy when their guards were up before.

“Beauregard speaks about your trauma…”

Caleb tensed. 

Essek winced, alright not the best way to start a conversation. “She… has her own too… that … colours how she views things as well. Both of you--”

“I was being very clear.” Caleb said “There are a lot of very kind people that end up with the worst intentions. It is--it is wonderful that Jester can see the best in people and that Beauregard is alright with trusting a stranger and not me-my opinion--” Caleb twisted some copper in his fingers, fidgeting. He looked over at Essek, perhaps realizing he was there only now.

“She’ll understand you one day,” Essek said.

Caleb’s lips pulled into a smile with no joy. As if he were humouring him. “Do you really think that?”

“I saw it.” 

“Things might be different now.”

“I don’t think things like these are so easy to change. One day you’ll…”

_ You’remybestfriend. _

“One day,” Essek said again, forcing the rush of despair out of his voice. “You’ll trust each other. I have to believe that… just like… I hope that… one day you’ll trust me.” 

Caleb rubbed his face. “It’s hard to believe I could ever trust anyone.”

Essek laughed abruptly. “I--I know what you mean by that. I know all too well, but you trusted them and… if it makes you feel better… you didn’t fully trust me until…”

“I died?”

Essek sighed. “That really isn’t the thing to say, is it?” 

Caleb laughed as well, oddly genuine. “It is crazy. I--you. You say things that… are inconceivable to me. It’s a fairy story. I don’t--I don’t understand what you want.”

Essek frowned. “What I want?”

“How could I--how could we mean so much to you that you would--that you would go back in time to save us. Why would--”

“You are my friend.” Essek said. “I know you’re not in a place where you can accept that… or accept me, but you… you broke through my walls when I could never conceive of serving anything other than my own self interests, and it’s not… it’s not only your future I adore. You are the most brilliant man I’ve ever met. I enjoy your company, I enjoy your ideas, and conversations and humour. The man I met in the future was not so different, but I also know I’m a stranger. You… you were not born with venom in your veins Caleb Widogast. And one day…you will see that.”

“You know everything then.”

“I do,” Essek said softly.

“Then how can I forgive myself of that?” Caleb challenged. “If you knew me how could I ever--”

“You don’t,” Essek replied gently. “You just learn to carry it. And let others help you carry it. You learn to live for the future instead of the past.”

“I still made that spell.” 

Essek conceded. “You did.”

Caleb sighed. Rubbed his face with his hands. “I was… thinking about leaving.”

Essek startled. Leaving? 

“Because of me?” He asked.

Caleb shrugged. “Not just… not just you. You’re… one of the reasons… I have stayed. Because what you know… how can I just walk away from that, but…” Caleb’s eyes did not meet Essek’s. “I also wondered if I would be allowed to.” 

“Allowed to?”

Caleb gestured to him. “If everything you’ve told us is true--”

“I haven’t been able to tell you everything.”

“If that you are our friend from the future,” Caleb explained. “Then you would not want us to leave. You are very powerful… so, I don’t know if I would be able to go.”

Essek felt horrified. “I--I was not keeping you hostage--I--but you must understand the importance of all of you--but I have--I’m sorry.”

Had they all thought this? That he was holding them prisoner? Were they having private conversations when his back was turned about how to run away? All of them had shown uneasiness. Perhaps he should have followed in shadow without them knowing. But then, how would that ease their fears?

Caleb offered a very small smile. “Ah, you didn’t realize?”

“No. I’m… I didn’t. You have my apologies.”

Caleb nodded. “So… would you stop me?”

“Pardon?” Essek asked, still distracted.

“If I left.”

Essek felt panic rise. “I would prefer you didn’t. It isn’t safe.”

“But if I did.”

“I wouldn’t use force if that’s what you mean, but I would… I would try to talk you out of it. I--I know I’m bad at this. I’m very bad at this. This wasn’t the plan.”

It was the first time since their first meeting he let himself show the fear. How was he supposed to do this? How was he supposed to save them? How was he supposed to save Caleb?

His heart ached.

He thought of the Mighty Nein. The ridiculous group kidnapping him during a party, not really knowing what to do with him once they had him. 

But Essek had power. He had power his entire life even when he felt his most powerless. This was a Caleb with no power and a desperate need for autonomy and control.

Essek took a very deep breath.

“I won’t stop you,” Essek whispered. “If you need to go I’ll let you go. I won’t follow.”

The tension left Caleb’s shoulders. 

He silently nodded. “Thank you.” 

“I would prefer you didn’t. It isn’t safe.” Essek’s voice echoed. Both wizard’s startled as little Kiri looked up at Caleb. 

“Ah,” Caleb said awkwardly. He snapped his fingers and Frumpkin appeared. He handed him down to the little girl. “Jester will worry, come on now, let’s go back.” 

“I won’t follow,” Kiri echoed Essek once again. 

“I’ll come as well,” Caleb said. 

Kiri adjusted Frumpkin onto her shoulder and took Caleb’s hand insistently.

“Alright, let’s find Jester.”

Kiri looked over to Essek waiting for him as well.

“Yes,” Essek agreed. He had been awkward with the small child, but if she was on his side to convince Caleb to stay he wouldn’t complain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I gotta say going over the transcripts for this episode so much of the bowl incident gets so much more heartbreaking knowing both Beau and Caleb's backstories. Like Calianna's stories were giving the Empire Sib's flashbacks to their own histories, both of them became defensive. 
> 
> I did emphasis Caleb in this because Essek and Caleb were closer and well... romance and all. But I did try to allude to the fact that some of Beau's story was known to Essek too.
> 
> Cause I can't get over how it was effecting both of them in such similar ways which clashed in the worst way possible in that moment. AHH.


End file.
